So Have You Heard The One About The Duke, The Abbott and The Bishop?
In response to the Queensland Government’s crackdown on graffiti, where vandals will be given up to seven years jail,
Tony Abbott has announced that his government will be introducing
similar penalties for those caught doing electronic graffiti.
“We’ve just about had enough of people using things like
Facebook and Tweeter to undermine what should have been a happy occasion
for everyone. In future, anyone using social media for any other
purpose than to give straight factual information or post photos of
kittens will be subject to our new electronic graffiti laws!”
Yeah, you’re right. I’m making it up. Well, not the part about
Queensland – but there’s always been a few Northern politicians who’ve
had too much sun. The interesting thing, of course, is that some of you
probably took it seriously, or at least wondered. And, if you rang
around Liberal politicians and asked them about Tony’s proposal to ban
electronic graffiti, they’d probable feel obliged to check that it
wasn’t true before they made a comment.
But with the Government licking its wounds over its failure to push
legislation through the Senate, and it’s “Hey, why don’t we just ignore
the Senate and pass things through regulation” strategy in tatters, we
heard promises of a more consultative government. Of course, that didn’t
mean Tony Abbott. What the rest of the Liberals don’t seem to
understand is that he won the election. I mean, he was going to be Pope
at one stage, but then he discovered that then God would be in charge,
so he decided to become PM where he alone is able to determine policy.
Why did we introduce knights and dames? Well, Tony said so, and he’s
the supreme leader. Why did he give Phil a knighthood without consulting
anybody? Well, he consulted the other person getting one, and then he
asked the Queen if she’d like to give her husband a knighthood. “Oooh,
thanks,” said the Queen, “normally, I don’t get to give imperial honours
to members of my own family. It’s such a thrill, I haven’t been able to
get Phil to go down on his knees for me since the early ’80s! Thanks,
you wild colonial boy, you.”
Yes, I’m sure that there’ll be people out there saying that we
shouldn’t be concentrating on trivia like this. That there are important
issues. But surely the fact that PM feels like being elected gives him
a mandate to do what he likes, is one of the
important issues. This isn’t just about something that he’s sprung on
the electorate before the election; he’s even sprung it on his own
party. While some of you may be smirking at the poetic justice of that,
the fact remains we have a leader who makes the dictator from “Bananas”
look sane by comparison.
This is not just about a difference of political opinion. It’s hard
to see anyone – with the possible exception of David Flint who feels
that anything less than the deification of the Royal Family is to treat
them with disrespect – who actually thought that Prince Philip, Duke of
Edinburgh needed Australia to remind his wife that the addition of an
antipodean knighthood would be a nice little post-Christmas present.
(David Flint, by the way, ran a Facebook group called “Direct Democracy”
which argued for the right of the people to call an election with
15,000 signatures as its raison d’etre. Strangely, it now argues against
global warming while telling us all what a great job Tony’s doing.)
All Abbott really needs now is for someone to ask him if Campbell
Newman is really so toxic that he doesn’t want to be seen campaigning
for a loser. If he says that it’s because it’s a state election and
therefore about state issues, then the obvious follow-up is “Why did you
campaign in Victoria then?”
I suspect we’d see a stare longer than when that reporter asked about the context for the “Shit happens” comment.
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